Deliberately Manifesting sadly often gets thrown into the toxic positivity box :( If you truly understand what it means to co-create with the universe and be more deliberate about designing your reality, then you also understand that this does not mean being positive all the time.
I want to share a very common setback that happens when you start to deliberately create; reality shows you the opposite to what you want even though you believe you are affirming what you want. I can relate!
Let’s understand this in 2 parts:
why this can happen
what to do about it when it does
Part I. Whyyyyy me? Again?
Let’s take a common scenario. You are trying to manifest more abundance in the form of wealth into your life. You are doing affirmations, you are journalling, visualizing and perhaps even feeling that already have it (the only key to manifesting btw.) But, reality is showing you never-ending bills that you can’t pay, interest mounting up on your debt, unexpected expenses, or maybe even an entire loss of income.
Why does this happen?
The first and most likely reason is that you don’t really believe that you are worthy of abundance, and/or, have a set of belief systems that dictate that abundance is purely transactional (i.e. work hard and earn more = tying your worth to your productivity). If debt, insecure finances, surprise expenses, poor spending habits, or getting anxiety spending money is a common pattern for you, then you have some healing to do in this area.
How do I heal?
Firstly notice how you feel. Then think about what belief you have creates this feeling. Then think about where the belief comes from. To heal the feeling it’s as simple as remembering that it is not true, it is a story. Whatever story may once have felt true for you does not need to continue to feel true since every moment is brand new. Space and time do not exist how we think they do, and therefore NOW is all that matters. What story are you telling right now?
For example.
Feeling: I feel anxious spending money on new clothes.
Limiting Belief: New clothes are a luxury and I need to put other need people’s needs first - Perhaps this stems from a belief system from your childhood. Perhaps your Mom always went without and now you feel guilty if you spend money on yourself.
Undo it: Is this true? No it is not true that you cannot spend money on yourself or that you need to feel guilty about it. It is also untrue that once money leaves it never comes back. It can flow in an infinite number of ways. Therefore spending in one area does not mean that another area has to lack. If this sounds familiar you need to develop more trust that the universe will always provide what you need.
To heal you need to get to the bottom of your beliefs and do the work to change them. Your reality will reflect whatever feelings are dominant in your subconscious, so it’s not possible to change your reality without first changing your beliefs.
The second reason that reality can throw you a whole host of unwanted circumstances is to move things out of your life. Things that you are not willing to let go of. Sometimes in the form of the complete collapse of your paradigms. When we’re are talking about fundamental changes in your life that you are manifesting, not objects, it’s frequent that the universe will deliver this in the firm of forcing you to let go of something. This could be a relationship, a job, a home etc. So before we talked about letting go of limiting beliefs, and in this case you are being moved to let go of limiting circumstances.
In either case you are being shown an old version of yourself that you need to give up in order to allow your manifestation which is contained in a different version of you.
Part II. How to cope when life or a situation feels uncomfortable
We have established why shitty things can happen even when you are tying to manifest their opposite, but nevertheless it can still be painful even if you know why it’s happening. What to do then?
Feeling your feelings is a very important part of manifesting. As I mentioned in the outset manifesting is not about toxic positivity. When you feel your feelings you are being present with the universe, you are not resisting and you are welcoming this part of your human experience. You are accepting the whole of you. When you accept everything that is, the universe has the space go to work because you are no longer resisting it.
Despite the discomfort, possibly even the crippling pain or anxiety, you are allowed to feel your feelings. Why else are we here if not to live these moments? The important part though is not to create narrative around those feelings; if you create a narrative and take yourself down the rabbit-hole of trying to analyse why this happening etc. you are dragging your old stories and your limiting beliefs into each new moment with you. You can absolutely feel your feelings and at the same time break the patterns that are happening in your life by not ascribing any meaning to those feelings.
When you have felt your feelings - over minutes, hours, months, even years - the next part is to remind yourself:
I am exactly where I need to be
I do not need to lean on my own understanding
This is hard, but I have faith things are being moved in my favor that are out of my control
I am inherently worthy
I trust in the timing
Thank you for this gift of life.
These are just some examples, but you can choose whichever reminders resonate with you the most in terms of bringing you back to your sense of knowing that when you have asked, it has already been given. Your know that no matter what the circumstances are looking like it’s already done.
Finally, when you’re ready, get back into alignment. Be in your imagination. Live from the end. Embody the feeling that it is done. Accept that it is already yours, with the full trust that when what you are imagining becomes your dominant feeling, reality has no choice but to conform to it. And that the universe can deliver it in the most unexpected ways.
Ultimately…
Not everything that happens in your reality will be revealed to you as a silver lining. But if you can deepen your trust that - everything is for you - orchestrated perfectly - in a way that you could never do yourself - all things are possible because all realities exist and have always existed and will always existed, you can enjoy the journey more. You can smile at life more. You can bend time and space. You can choose the characters in your play and you can keep showing up for yourself as the main character you want to be, no matter what the outer world is doing. What a gift!