If you are a reader of this Substack the chances are that like me, across your social media you follow and get suggestions for various types of self-development. While I am all for reminders to keep me on track, there’s something about content that focuses on Finding your Passion or Finding your Purpose that leaves me feeling vexed.
To be clear that does not mean that living in mediocrity should be what we’re aiming for, but I have been thinking about why this kind of content can be so irritating and how we can re-think the idea altogether in a way that makes us feel a little less like we’re failing and little more worthy.
First of all we can think from the perspective of the viewer of said content. Broadly speaking the viewer will likely fit into one of three categories:
Person A - succeeding at life, finds joy in what they do.
Reaction - “Yeah right on” reads content and feels great about being the wind beneath the wings of the lowly mediocre.
Person B - life is more or less ok, but feels like there is something more.
Reaction - “Ughh” - reads content and keeps scrolling feeling a little less ok with the state of life.
Person C - finds life stressful and working against them, often depressed.
Reaction - “Sighs” - reads content and feels like being passionate anything is an impossible fantasy.
While I don’t know the stats, I’m gonna take a wild guess that most people are Person B or C. Or at least find themselves occasionally there.
So why is Purpose and Passion content so triggering?
It’s triggering because finding passion or finding purpose is allusive at best, and impossible to really discern worst. The school system and the way we were raised of course does little to guide us in the direction of what we find fascinating or effortless (we all now this by now), but sadly this has left us with generation after generation of people who live life on a default setting with only glimpses of sunshine in between the rut. We feel like we would rather be anywhere else than where we are.
If I would have leaned into my fascination with picking at things or my obsession with cleaning, the chances are I could have been a world class dermatologist or cleaning lady by now, but they weren’t exactly presented to me as options. But regardless of the salary of either, my vocation at least would have felt effortless.
I’m not sure if you relate to this, but when I look at people out in the world, there is a definite sense of despondency. And these are the folk who struggle with the idea, let alone the path, of Passion and Purpose.
There are exceptions of course, said Person A’s, and the most exceptional - we’ll call them Person A+’s who don’t engage in social media at all - who could be anyone from Steve Jobs to the lady in a foreign land sewing blankets for the village. These people ignored the noise and stuck to the thing that sparks the joy within them.
As for the rest of us we’re triggered because at some point we ended up here and we’re not super sure how, and furthermore we’re so invested in what we have built (even if it doesn’t feel joyful) that it feels like there’s no turning back. Where does one even start?
Why all the despondency?
So to investigate this feeling, it’s worth considering why it feels wrong, in order to get to how we can re-frame it altogether.
It’s not that life is necessarily terrible, but that we are less likely to enjoy the present moment and more likely to be looking towards the future for some thing, or some goal that may or may never come.
We can start with the obvious; under the umbrella of jealousy we have a whole host of sabotaging behaviours such as comparing ourselves to others, getting caught up in hustle culture, equating wealth with success etc. This is not new information, but perhaps we underestimate how impacted we are by all the Mommy Vloggers filling up our feeds with positive content and what that does to our self-worth. It only makes us feel further away from the feeling that we actually have a purpose. Even the mere fact that said Mommy is killing it on insta (and as a Mom apparently) makes us feel like, jeez, I can’t even create cool content.
And this of course circles back to more of the obvious; when we think about those that do lead Passionate and Purposeful lives our only frame of reference is what we see. And what we see are the wealthy that have time to photoshop those lovely travel pics, and the entrepreneurs who would rather spend time creating content about a business than actually creating one. We know it’s all a bit of a lie, but even if their charading these people are doing something they love.
Then there’e the less obvious drip into our psyche, concepts such as Ikigai (that which gives your life purpose and meaning), which in and of itself is a humble and simple ven diagram. Followed by the abundance of self-help content, that does initially help us feel a little more uplifted, but ultimately often lacks the basis for what to do when you don’t know what the hell your passion and purpose is. I am not discrediting self-help as it has helped me a lot emotionally speaking, but Passion and Purpose? The jury was still out until I really thought hard about re-thinking it altogether.
How do we let go of P&P and embrace something that actually gives us meaning?
Ironically this thought was inspired by one of my favourite self-help gurus, Eckhart Tolle. Best known for his teachings about being in the now. I have written about this in posts previously and likely will again, but in sum this is about embracing the present moment, because that is really all there is. And this teaching ultimately leads us to the understanding the worrying is frivolous, because the past is gone and the future never comes.
Second to this he is subtly gives us the meaning of life. He says to his followers that are desperate to be more enlightened, “The question is not, when will I awaken? The question is, I am awake right now”. And there folks we have the meaning of life.
To get to this conclusion, it’s important to understand that we are conciousness manifest in physical form. There is no separation between you or I or any other matter in the universe. In fact the matter is such a small part of what is, that we give ourselves far too much importance and take things far too seriously.
So then if we are conscious beings, then our Purpose/Passion/Meaning is found in realising ourselves as consciousness. Which is the question tat Eckhart begs, I am aware of myself right now? This is not necessarily a singular act, but rather becoming present enough to feel it for moments, repeatedly, so that we can be for those moments all that is. Everything else, is just noise.
But what do we do with our human selves?
If you can accept the concept above then you can also conclude that your worthiness is not inherent to any goal, merit, or material gain, It’s all non-essential. Therefore Passion and Purpose should not be tied to our worthiness, but rather like playing the game of reality. If your engagement with the game means that you want to accumulate enormous wealth go for it, if it means that you want to game all day long that too. The point is that if we can stop tying our worth to our vocations then we are free. It means we can experiment and not feel afraid of the consequences, it means we can separate vocation to pay the bills and vocation that makes us sleep better at night.
I am overusing the word vocation because that is what it is… it’s an action/job that we do. It is not however the meaning of life. Even the people that find vocations that they love leave it all behind when they pass. It all becomes meaningless in seconds. Even people that leave a legacy are no exception; if it did not manifest through them, it would have manifested through someone else.
Yes it is powerful to become a vessel that makes you feel like you are contributing to the world, and why wouldn’t we strive to live out best lives while walking around here on Earth. But those that have found that flow realised first they were worthy no matter what, and then the universe worked through them to show them that that in fact is true. When you realise your worth everything will be added unto you.
Peace and Meaning with life therefore is not found in the subjective measure of success, but in the part of you that already knows your worth. Rediscover it by realising yourself first and everything else will flow. Be cool with yourself :)